What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 10:17
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Would this be the day?
iOS 26 Adds Support for Transferring an eSIM to and From Android - MacRumors
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im still living with it.
Titan's Atmosphere 'Wobbles Like a Gyroscope' – And No One Knows Why - ScienceAlert
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Cardi B’s Video Sparks New Album Announcement Talk Online - Yahoo
My life is so biszare .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mormon Wives Come Together for Season 2 Reunion -- But One Major MokTok Member Is Missing! - TooFab
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Inflation slides to 1.9% in Europe, as worries shift from prices to Trump and tariffs - AP News
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Prime Day is back July 8-11, with double the days and millions of deals - About Amazon
I said to her
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Boisson Beats Andreeva, Updated French Open Women's Bracket at Roland-Garros - Bleacher Report
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Get Deals On Super Mario And Zelda Games With Free Switch 2 Upgrades - GameSpot
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Who then, do I blame.?
Musk-Trump Spat Hits New High As Musk’s Ex Piles On - HuffPost
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ive learnt so much.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why are perceived or real slights interpreted as rejections and reality by pwBPD?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
One cannot live in the past .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was 9 years of age.
But it wasn’t much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She wouldn,t have been !
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It was going to be , some day.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was seconnd youngest,
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was very sick at this time too.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
What did i know ?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I write beautiful poetry .
As i do to all so called friends.?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
When she asked me how she looked .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
Put me off passion for life!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I have no regrets .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were not on the streets..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I will be 64.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So whats the point in blame.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is soul school!.
I waited trembling.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We all went to grammer schools
She married twice! .
She loved him until the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why did i forgive my father ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i lived it daily.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was in good health!
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I don,t even have a pension.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Comes on , in middle age.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
All the time i was locked up.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But, we were locked up after school.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!